Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘Optimal Tip-to-Top Efficiency’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ‘5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

Apologies to Dinesh. Chin up, buddy! Not all is lost. We will not be poor, for one thing. You’re not a total d*ckhead either. 

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Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘Proof of Concept’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ‘5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

Apologies to the two Hooli tools programmers. While your nexus may be optimal, your celebratory handshake isn’t. That’s unacceptable and it defeats the purpose. 

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Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘Third Party Insourcing’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ‘5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

Apologies to Gilfoyle. Not that we were high when we made this week’s list but you still believed it, didn’t you? This isn’t jealously, it’s just the opposite of normal. 

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Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘Signaling Risk’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ’5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

Apologies to Nelson Bighetti, who just misses out this week. We’d let him and his ‘Big Head’-edness know that it’s because of that unfortunate candy apple he was eating when he made the discovery of a lifetime, but the audio doesn’t work here. 

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Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘Fiduciary Duties’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ’5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

Apologies to the Hooli talking head, who does his job at the Hooli desk perhaps better than you or I and who would never dare to break anything. Over at Hooli, contracts are honoured. But this isn’t Hooli. 

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Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘Articles of Incorporation’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ’5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

Our beloved Gilfoyle just barely misses out this week—these rankings don’t recognize illegal immigrants. Nor Canadians. Nor citizens of the world. 

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Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘The Cap Table’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ’5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

Please understand that no virgins were starved to death in the writing of this week’s list.

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Silicon Valley’s ‘5 Guys’ Power Rankings: ‘Minimal Viable Product’

Every week during this opening season of Silicon Valley, A man must have a code will write the ’5 Guys’ power rankings in lieu of writing episode recaps. Hopefully, this, just like the show itself, will continue forever and ever until infinity. Or should I say, until ‘∞’. (That’s right, I too know H.T.M.L.)

What’s the list for this pilot episode? Well fly on in, dear reader. (Yeah, I’ll work on that.) 

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