We’ve discovered the real meaning of ‘March Madness’.
While some see it as a bunch of guys trying to throw a ball in a basket and achieve everlasting glory, we know better. We understand. We all call it ‘March Madness,’ because it’s so weird to just be in March when it feels so much like Christmas season right now. Christmas season? Yeah. You see, the bros of Entourage released the movie’s main trailer and boy, does this movie look like the gift that keeps on giving. (Nice one.)
Just like last time, let’s dissect the great and the greatness contained in these 148 seconds of glory. Let’s see whose calves are the nicest! #BrosUnite
1) That first song. No one has ever made the wrong decision by turning to the catalogue of the late, great “Godfather of Soul”. (#Hottake: A classic song for what will surely not be a classic movie.)
2) Johnny Drama cruising around. Only one arm on the steering wheel, because two is for pussies.
3) As a matter of fact, let’s double down on our boy and say that most of what Johnny Drama does makes the cut. “Hey, Drama! We’ve worn Hawaiian shirts before: when we were in high school! Not a day goes by that we don’t regret it.”
4) Baron Davis wearing a toque and a black t-shirt. Baron Davis does not get warm even when he is outside under the sun, because Baron Davis can do no wrong.
5) Ari Gold, “studio head.” We don’t know whether this was a character development item from the Entourage HBO show and we don’t care enough to find out [editor’s note: it was]. While we would appreciate a little more versatility in his soul-sucking complaining—even an “Oh God, Oh man” would have been better than his “God. God. GOD!”—we take solace in the fact that we are guaranteed a whole lot of hugging it out, b-word.
6) The laser show in that fake movie. This is some next level stuff, it truly is. On June 5, all the bros in the world will be watching a movie in which the characters and protagonists (though this may be giving way too much credit to Ari, Vincent Chase and the gang) will be making a movie. The movie within the movie. The bros know what they are doing even if they might not. Hey, why not borrow from Hamlet? Vinny Chase is Sir Hamlet while Drama is Rosencrantz AND Guildenstern (i.e. he’s dumb enough to be both at once).
7) “Doctor says she’s gonna pop any second.” We’ve already harped on E in our recap of the movie’s first trailer, so there is no need to dropkick this suit while he’s on the way down but we will say one thing. Our little guy who sees everything as a personal slight tends to be good for either one of two things: a) showing off Sloan and b) wearing a random New York Islanders t-shirt. He accomplishes both admirably well here.
8) Lloyd FaceTime-ing his engagement with Ari. Lloyd is basically the antithesis to Johnny Drama in that everything he tends to do or say is wonderful and great. Keep on FaceTime-ing and smiling, Lloyd. You can’t help if others lack a soul.
9) Haley Joel Osment with a beard AND with a gun. Or maybe this should read “Haley Joel Osment with a gun AND a beard.” The point is, we don’t know which of the two is most ludicrous. “I see dead people” alright, yes. The dead people are whoever ends up on the wrong end of that gun and that beard.
9 a) The seemingly 87,000 celebrity cameos, all of which range somewhere between ‘most dumbest’ and ‘least dumbest’. Except for the captain of the #myguyyy all-stars Tom Brady, because my quarterback is flawless. (He’s the one with the nicest of calves.)
10) Marky Mark. The original bro stays the king—it’s a Mark Wahlberg kind of world and we’re just visiting.
And yes, that Johnny Drama dumb joke still makes the cut in this new trailer. Bros need to laugh.